The Future...

One would think that by this time in my life I would know what to do with my life. Not so much.

Here's the thing: I really love my current job. I love my students, I love my subjects, I love that I can see God at work in people's lives, and that I can be involved in that. I am daily becoming more familiar with the classical method and learning to appreciate its strengths. I love being a house head and getting to participate in activities with my students in that role. I appreciate the vision that we have at Petra and feel really quite loyal to the school. And, as one of the 4 staff members who have been there for 5+ years, I suppose in a sense I am sort of a "steadying influence." I know that I am not irreplaceable, but I wonder how much of a hardship it would be to the school and my student if I left? Who would take over my classes? Would the do a good job? Who would be the head of my house?

On the other hand, I never pictured myself in the old hometown for the rest of my life. When I was in high school I decided that I wanted to be a missionary, and that's still a desire buried in my heart. As it is, I am involved in sort of a full-time ministry, and hopefully having an impact there...but...for now, I don't think I'm supposed to stay here forever. Maybe I'll leave simply to come back, but I think that at some point I do need to go somewhere else, try out other things, explore other doors that God may have open for me. Beyond that, I think I can deal with being an old maid all my days, but I'm not sure that I want to be one by default (because no one I'd be likely to be interested in would have reason to come here).

So, if the plan is to move someday, the next questions are WHEN and WHERE. I think I would like to get more schooling, even if I just ended up at Petra again. That would point me to a grad school or seminary of some sort for the WHERE. As to WHEN, well, every year I ask myself, "Is this the year to move on?" And every year I say to myself, "Just one more year, then we'll see." The difference this year? Well, there may not be one big enough to push me out just yet, but I think I am considering the option a little more strongly than normal. Here are some of the reasons:
1. Of the 18 students at Petra, at least 4 will be leaving (graduating), and I've heard rumors of at least 3 more who might leave. Of the 11 left, 3 of them I don't know as well yet...and of the 4-7 leaving, most of them I've known for all the years I've taught. I'd really miss them... Part of the reason I've stayed all these years is because of the returning students who I love so dearly. I'll miss some of them anyway, so missing all of them won't be quite as big of a difference.
2. If I don't do something soon, I probably will end up staying here for a long time. Not necessarily bad, but is it best?
3. I have a brother and sister-in-law at seminary... It would be fun to be closer.
4. I really want to go back to Israel! :) Or at least move closer to my dream of being a missionary.
5. So much I want to learn... I'd have a hard time choosing which area to go into, but I think I would enjoy learning more.
6. My roommate is also thinking of moving on...if we both moved on, neither would have to worry about finding a new roommate here.

And as for reasons against, well...
1. There's already a large turn-over rate. I don't like to add to that.
2. I would feel I was abandoning students.
3. I would miss teaching my kids.
4. Can I leave my subjects in a state that it would be easier for a new teacher to come in and do a good job?

So there's my quandary. Lord, give me wisdom.