Joining the Heavens: August 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

Waiting

It's not an easy task, but it's one that seems to occupy much of life. When school is in session we wait for the weekend, the next vacation, or for the glorious summer break. The last few weeks of summer are spent waiting (some people with eager anticipation, some people with fear and loathing) for school to start again. In grade school you wait to be one of the "big kids." Much of High School is spent anticipating college and much of college, anticipating life after school. We seem to be always looking to the next step, whether near or far.

"I can't wait for dinner!"
"I can't wait for summer!"
"I can't wait to make new friends!"
"I can't wait for my birthday!"
"I can't wait to graduate!"
"I can't wait to get married!"
"I can't wait until I know what to do with my life!"
"I can't wait until I have kids!"
"I can't wait until I have grandkids!"

Of course, we actually can (and do) wait, sometimes with more patience and contentment than others.

I have had, I suppose, my fair share of waiting, most often for school to transition to summer and then back. I generally enjoy both the school year and the summer, but that transition is a welcome change every year. Up until now, though, most of my waiting has had a certain ending point in sight: summer will begin on a set date, and school will start up, as scheduled, in the fall.* There is a sense of waiting and anticipation, but not a whole lot of uncertainty.

It's somewhat different this time around.

It seemed clear that God wanted me back in Israel this fall. Doors were opening. Even before doors opened I had decided that I wanted to go back. It seemed like a pretty clear next step with fairly clear timing.

It hasn't quite worked out as I hoped. The doors are still there and will still probably open fully in time, but I have no idea when that time will be, and there's really nothing I can do about it.

So what DO I do? I try to be content here, though many times I find myself longing for Israel. I try to find things to do here while not committing to too much time. I try to reconnect with friends and family while still staying in touch with friends from Israel. I'm not really sure where to strike the balance, so I pray a lot for wisdom, guidance, and patience.

I don't know why, in God's providential plan, I have suddenly encountered this obstacle. I know, though, that He has a reason. I just hope that I learn what He's teaching and/or do the job that He has for me here.

*I should note here that this sort of waiting differs greatly from the sort of waiting that involves other people. It is much more difficult to schedule when you will meet friends, get married, or have children (unless, of course, you are already engaged or pregnant - that usually makes the planning a little more certain).

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Torn

Torn. That single word pretty aptly sums up much of my feelings about life at this point. If I were to have any superpower, I think I would choose to be able to bend the space-time continuum so that I could be in two or more places at one time. Either that or flying. I'd really like to be able to fly. But the superpower debate aside, it would be really nice to be in two places at the same time. I have a feeling I'm not the only person to feel this inner pressure, either. Perhaps it is a side-effect of our modern life, with the ease of travel and the lack of necessity to stay together as a family and run the family farm. It's easy to get spread out. My family is strung out across the nation, my friends around the globe. (At least none of them are in space yet.) I am incredibly blessed to know so many great people, but it makes it harder to be constantly missing most of them.

You may have noticed from the last few posts that I am greatly enjoying being back in the States, and in general I do try to practice contentment where ever I happen to be at the time. Still, I feel especially torn just now, wanting to be back in Israel for the start of school. It's not going to happen. Indeed, I still remain very uncertain about when I will get back to Israel, though I remain hopeful that it will be soon. I have unfinished business there, so to speak, and that longing can at times make my enjoyment of Montana a little, well, mixed.

For example...

I love that I can find various igneous and sedimentary rocks (with clearly identifiable minerals) right in my driveway (accompanied by one of my many adorable cousins).

Layne and her rocks

But thinking about rocks now always reminds me of limestone, and that rock type which is pervasive in Israel is conspicuously absent from our driveway collection.

Love that Senonian chalk

I enjoy re-familiarizing myself with horseback riding (and remembering muscles I had forgotten existed).

But...it kind of reminds me of riding camels across the desert.

I love picking the relatively plentiful wild berries and taking pictures of the beautiful wild flowers...

...but they remind me of my struggle to become familiar with Israeli plants, which are so different from Montanan plants.

You get the picture.

In the end, I am blessed to have both places as a part of my life. And hopefully someday I will learn the lesson Sam had to learn:

"Your time may come. Do not be too sad, Sam. You cannot be always torn in two. You will have to be one and whole, for many years. You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do."

~Frodo, The Return of the King

Monday, August 16, 2010

For now, at least...

My home's in Montana

I wear a bandanna,

My spurs are silver,

My pony is grey.

While out on the ranges

My luck never changes

With foot in the stirrup

I gallop away!

Though my home may not always be here, I do love this place. Leaving for a time and then coming back serves to remind me of the little delightful things that I tend to take for granted.

I would say "God bless Montana," but He clearly already did. ;)

So, in honor of Montana, here are a few of the wonderful (or strange) things I get to see around here on a regular basis.

1. Mountains.

Oh how I love the mountains.

Sometimes, when you're lucky, the mountains will even have cows in front of them.

Or, better yet, fields of ripening wheat.

Or...cabins that I intend to own someday.

2. Spectacular sunsets.

And sometimes, spectacular moon-sets.

3. Clouds, rain, and rainbows.

These, of course, are not exclusive to Montana, but they were severely missing in my last few months in Israel.

4. Animals.

Wild animals.

Funny farm animals.

Even sunset-silhouetted animals.

5. Tall grass. (Again, not exclusive, but sadly lacking in Israel in summer.)

6. Farm Equipment.

Sometimes VERY LARGE farm equipment.

Sometimes you can even watch said equipment from your bedroom window, as it cuts hay under a waxing half moon.

7. Stars.

And, if these pictures have convinced you that Montana is a place you need to visit, here are some suggestions for activities once you get here:

1. Fixing fence. There are always fences to be fixed. Funny farm animals must be kept in their place.

2. Hang slightly illogical signs in random places. This seems to be a common hobby.

3. Practice looking cool in front of murals painted on buildings. Clearly this model has the practice down flat.

4. Put flowers in your hair and pick wild strawberries.

5. Wade into cold rivers and stand there until you can't feel your feet and hope to catch dinner while not catching a cold.

6. Or, my personal favorite, go for a hike or two.

Yes, these are but a few of the delights that could await you in the great state of Montana. I, for one, am enjoying them, as, I hope, are the other Montana dwellers. For the rest of you, any one want to visit?