Torn

Torn.  That single word pretty aptly sums up much of my feelings about life at this point.  If I were to have any superpower, I think I would choose to be able to bend the space-time continuum so that I could be in two or more places at one time.  Either that or flying.  I'd really like to be able to fly.  But the superpower debate aside, it would be really nice to be in two places at the same time.  I have a feeling I'm not the only person to feel this inner pressure, either.  Perhaps it is a side-effect of our modern life, with the ease of travel and the lack of necessity to stay together as a family and run the family farm.  It's easy to get spread out.  My family is strung out across the nation, my friends around the globe.  (At least none of them are in space yet.)  I am incredibly blessed to know so many great people, but it makes it harder to be constantly missing most of them.

You may have noticed from the last few posts that I am greatly enjoying being back in the States, and in general I do try to practice contentment where ever I happen to be at the time.  Still, I feel especially torn just now, wanting to be back in Israel for the start of school.  It's not going to happen.  Indeed, I still remain very uncertain about when I will get back to Israel, though I remain hopeful that it will be soon.  I have unfinished business there, so to speak, and that longing can at times make my enjoyment of Montana a little, well, mixed.

For example...

I love that I can find various igneous and sedimentary rocks (with clearly identifiable minerals) right in my driveway (accompanied by one of my many adorable cousins).

Layne and her rocks

But thinking about rocks now always reminds me of limestone, and that rock type which is pervasive in Israel is conspicuously absent from our driveway collection.

Love that Senonian chalk

I enjoy re-familiarizing myself with horseback riding (and remembering muscles I had forgotten existed).

But...it kind of reminds me of riding camels across the desert.  

I love picking the relatively plentiful wild berries and taking pictures of the beautiful wild flowers...

...but they remind me of my struggle to become familiar with Israeli plants, which are so different from Montanan plants.  

You get the picture.  

In the end, I am blessed to have both places as a part of my life.  And hopefully someday I will learn the lesson Sam had to learn:

"Your time may come.  Do not be too sad, Sam.  You cannot be always torn in two.  You will have to be one and whole, for many years.  You have so much to enjoy and to be, and to do." 

~Frodo, The Return of the King