Jane

"I have nothing either to hope or fear, and nothing to reproach him with. Thank God! I have not had that pain." ~Jane Bennet

This is a statement made by Jane when she hears for certain that Mr. Bingley will spend the winter in London, effectively crushing all her hopes for returned affection and marriage. I don't know that this statement struck me much the first time I heard it, but I have had reason to ponder it since, and I really think it gives a good hint to what romantic relationships (dating, courting, whatever) should be like.

Jane had the good fortune to be pursued by a "young man of large fortune from the north of England." She then has the misfortune to 'lose' him, through the interference of his friends and sisters. Obviously a painful happening under the best of circumstances. What interests me is that Jane takes comfort in the fact that Bingley never misbehaved or improperly lead her on. He didn't purposely defraud her in anyway.

This contrasts strongly with the behavior of many young men (and women) today. They ask for emotional (and physical) involvement without any commitment. They are out to get, not to give. There is no concern for protecting or blessing their boy friend or girl friend. Its all about the pleasure of the moment. And then the moment ends. They break up, and unlike Jane, they do have something to reproach each other with. That anger and regretfulness can make a break up that much worse...I've seen it time and again.

Fortunately, not all young couples follow this destructive pattern. I know of one couple where the young man, while pursuing this young woman, was very concerned with how to help her protect her heart. If for one reason or another their relationship did not end with marriage, he did not want their break up to hurt her more than absolutely necessary. What a contrast! Instead of looking for the affirmation of a full emotional commitment without the promise of a life together, he sought to help both of them protect their hearts.

That's the sort of man I'm looking for.