Seeing both sides

I must admit that I write this blog with fear and trepidation. This is such a hugely controversial topic that I am pretty much bound to offend someone, no matter how understanding I try to be. I must also admit that I am in no way qualified to address this subject (not that qualification seems to matter at all on the internet). Still, it's a topic that's keeps coming up in my mind, and perhaps this will provoke thoughts in my small readership.

Let's start with a relatively generic scenario. There are two friends. They've probably been friends for some time, but maybe haven't talked or seen each other for a while. They've sort of gone different directions over the years, one of them heading into the conservative Christian camp and the other coming out of the closet. Imagine the conversation that takes place when they finally start to catch up with each other and the inevitable announcement comes out: "I'm gay."

It really probably doesn't take much imagination. Many of you reading this have had such a conversation, or have heard of a friend's experience, or at very least have read the debate between the two sides raging over the internet.

I was pondering this the other day, thinking about the inability of the two sides to communicate, each side incensed by the foolishness, hatred, and/or anger displayed by the other side.

The conservative Christian perspective I can understand pretty well: that's my background and, with a few qualifications, I would still consider myself to be in that camp. In their (our) minds, someone announcing that they're gay is somewhat akin to someone saying that they've decided to become a serial murderer and they took their first victim yesterday. Imagine that conversation:

"What?" the Christian would say. "You just murdered someone? On purpose? In cold blood? Do you realize how wrong that is?"

The murderer would look offended. "What's wrong with that? I just really enjoy murdering people. I can't help it. I was born liking to kill things."

The Christian looks shocked and tries to explain, "I still really care about you, but what you're doing is clearly wrong! Lots of people will be hurt, and there are some terrible consequences you might have to face. I'm going to have to call the police for your own good. I can't just sit by and watch you ruin your life."

The murderer looks even more offended. "I can't believe that you can't accept me for who I am! If you don't like what I do, you can't like me. So I like killing people. What's it to you? I won't stop you from not killing people! How dare you try to stop me or change me!"

The Christian eventually decides that he is dealing with a crazy person who won't listen to logic and gives up…or…if internet debates are any indication, he also become angry and illogical. Alas, things are not always as they should be.

Obviously, the above imaginative conversation is unlikely to ever occur (and I don't mean to equate murder and homosexuality). The point is, from the perspective of many Christians, this is almost identical to the conversation they would have with a homosexual friend. Just as murder is clearly wrong (according to the Bible, as well as current laws), so homosexuality is clearly wrong and condemned by the Bible. (1 Corinthians 6:2, 1 Titus 1:10, and Romans 1:26-27 seems fairly clear in their condemnation, for example.) Thus, to the Christian with this perspective, the response of homosexuals to the condemnation of their lifestyle is baffling. The Christian friend thinks he's trying to help his friend and is understandably hurt and stunned when he is perceived as being intolerant and hateful. Such was not his intention. (It is unfortunately true that not all Christians have good intentions and it must be admitted that some are actually being intolerant and hateful.)

The homosexual perspective is one which I do not understand as intuitively, but I assume that they must also feel that they are being the reasonable ones in the situation, so I began searching for some sort of analogy that would help me better understand.

What if there were a religious group based on an ancient religious document which made occasional remarks on the inherit sinfulness of red-heads. Though these remarks are debated in modern times ("Is it a cultural prohibition? Does it really mean what it says?"), there are still enough people who believe in this archaic document for it to become a point of contention. A movement against red-heads might be formed.

"Dye or die!" could be a slogan.

Maybe some pun about fiery hair and the fires of hell.

It might even happen that a conversation like this would occur:

"Alana, I've really been meaning to confront you on something. Red hair is a sin!" a friend might say to me one day.

"It's not like a chose to have red hair!" I would protest. "I was born with it! It's genetic! What do you want me to do? Dye it brown every few weeks and pretend to be something I'm not? Just to avoid offending you? My hair is part of what makes me who I am. You have no right to ask me to change that!"

The friend would look earnest and concerned. "But I really believe that my religious document teaches that red hair is sinful and will cause you to be eternally punished. You can choose to dye it, or even just cut it all off. I just can't bear to see you make the horrible decision to keep it."

"So you believe in a God who made me have red hair and then punishes me for it? That's hardly fair," I would retort, growing increasingly more offended.

The friend might look confused and embarrassed at this point, unsure how to either agree or disagree without compromising something.

Now back to reality. Again, a rather ridiculous scenario, and yet again, with only a couple small changes, this is roughly the sort of conversation that takes place all the time. For me, though, it helps me understand why both sides find the other ridiculous (though again, homosexuality is quite different from having red hair).

Of course, this still leaves us with a dilemma: who's right, and what is wrong? Do we condemn homosexuality, or do we abandon (or edit) the ancient manuscript that speaks against it?

You know me. As crazy at it sounds to most people today, I have to go with the book. This is becoming an increasingly uncommon view, though.


In each culture there seem to be "culturally acceptable sins." We probably notice these sins more when we look at a different culture. For example, in some countries, stealing is as natural as breathing, even among Christians. We look at that and wonder how they can justify such blatant sin. We forget just how easy it is to rationalize sin, especially when it's excused by people around us (or when it is hidden). We have our own culturally accepted sins that other cultures would condemn: we don't honor our elders, we are confrontational to a fault, we are inhospitable, we are selfish and self centered and value our individual welfare above that of the community. All of these things (and more) we have ways of excusing and explaining and justifying, and all of these things would be shocking sins to Christians from other cultures. As always, it's easier to see the speck in your brother's eye than the log in your own, and with our own 'just' standards fairly in place, we tend to build hills to die on and gather stones to throw. We would rather yell at others to fix their flaws than spend a moment looking at our own.

To come to the point, there seem to be what I will call "micro-cultures" within the American church (and I don't mean denominations). In one of those micro-cultures, homosexuality has become culturally accepted and is no longer seen as a sin, in contrast to the view of the opposite micro-culture. Each seeing the faults of the opposite culture more clearly, stones are gathered and fingers are pointed:

"You don't take the Bible seriously! How can you ignore the clear condemnations of homosexuality!"
"You are unloving and bigoted! How dare you condemn people that God loves?"

Perhaps both camps would do well to stop flinging accusations and instead take a moment to consider the accusations that have been flung at them. I would agree that homosexuality is clearly condemned by the Bible, but so is pride and self-righteousness. In the end, if our gospel doesn't offer hope, help, and ultimately salvation to the homosexuals, as well as to the rest of the prideful, angry, selfish, sinful people in our congregations and country, then we are failing in our mission.