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| For those who missed out on the literary reference, see this. |
It's not so much that I'm struck by my own mortality or the fact that life can end in an instant. Life is fragile and tragedies abound in this world, but that is not what has impressed itself upon my consciousness of late.
No. What has struck me most are the silent but steady ravages of time. I, along with everyone around me, am growing older. I've noticed a few more wrinkles, more of a tendency towards aches and pains - just the beginnings of the signs of the passing time. Friends my age are noticing their first grey hairs or are beginning to lose more hairs than they can hide. My parents and people their age are beginning to complete their collection of grey hairs and minor aches and pains are becoming constant companions, sometimes even calling for drastic treatments.
The cumulative effect of a long life can be even more clearly seen in my grandparents and other people of their generation. In the past few years I have watched my grandparents go from being completely independent to needing more and more help and care. I have watched my parents struggle to help them make the transition.
It's made me think.
We value independence. All of our life we are taught and trained to be independent: we learn to stand on our own, walk on our own, go to school on our own, make a living on our own, take care of our family on our own, etc. We can be willing to accept help when we know we need it (and we are willing to help others in return), but unsolicited help is unwelcome as our pride asserts itself.
So we live, until suddenly people start limiting our independence. "You can't keep working. You don't have the strength any more." "You can't drive your car - you can't see properly!" "You can't live alone in your house! You could fall and hurt yourself or even die and no one would know." "You can't care for your own finances any more. You keep loosing track of things." Suddenly we go from being productive member of society to being a burden. Suddenly we realize that the work and play activities we've enjoyed for years are no longer possible for us. Quietly, softly, our dreams slip out of our grasp.
No wonder my grandparents have struggled, contradicting the advice of their well-meaning children, insisting that they are fine, that everything is unecessary.
"I don't need a hearing aid!"
"Of course I can keep feeding the cows this winter!"
"I don't need a cane/walker/wheel chair."
"If only I had my own house again, things would be better."
When we are no longer allowed to be independent, a trait we have cultivated all our life, what are we to do?
With these ponderings I am left with many questions.
How can I help my grandparents at this time?
How can I prepare for the time when my own parents will have to make that transition?
How can I prepare myself? The thing is, a
t this point in my life I have a hard time planning anything further in advance than next week. Things are so uncertain that I'm not sure what I'll be doing next week, much less next month. However, it is fairly likely, whatever happens in the meantime, that someday I too will face infirmity and old age. I want to be practicing habits of mind and character now that will serve me well then. Perhaps I can work on admitting weakness and accepting help. Perhaps I can work on being content in situations where things are not going as I would wish.
It's something I'm still thinking through.
How are you preparing?
* Apologies to my family for using you for examples in this latest pondering. I hope you don't mind! Love you all!
2 comments:
In many ways the transition from childhood to adulthood means growing in independence: we learn to feed ourselves, dress ourselves, interact with the world, and take care of our own needs. However, spiritual growth is instead, an ever-growing dependence - on God.
In early life, trusting in our parents is a way God has provided for us to depend on Him. As we grow up, He provides us with the physical and mental ability to do more ourselves, which we should continue to do with conscious dependence on Him, knowing He's still the one providing the health & skill we're using (even though we appear to be doing it "all by ourselves"). And the rest of life seems to be a succession of different situations and circumstances in which God provides specific new ways for us to depend on Him. Our own health & ability to do things on our own is, I think, still dependent on God. When he takes that away, then, it is a hard transition, perhaps including suffering - but I think if we can see it as God providing a different way for us to depend on Him, it will be perhaps easier.
This was refreshing to read. I have been much in these thoughts as meditations on Psalm 90 are continually reminding me of my vaporous existence. I hope all is well!
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