The Way I Am

If you have met me, and aren't in my family, you have probably at some point thought to yourself, "What is wrong with this girl?!"  (Or something along those lines.)  Allow me to explain.  Last month I was blessed to spend some time with family and I had an epiphany.  This is why I am the way I am. :)

Typical mathematical questions, asked by older family members to younger family members:
Q: If a chicken and a half can lay and egg and a half in a day and a half, how long does it take one chicken to lay one egg?


Q: If a cow and a calf eat a bale and a half (of hay) in a a day and a half, how many bales do you need to buy to feed them for a week?


Q: A race car driver takes part in a two mile race (twice around a one mile track.)  He goes 30mph during his first lap.  How fast will he have to go during the second lap to have an average speed of 60mph for the total race?


Q: There are 12 volumes of an encyclopedia standing in a row on a shelf.  They are all the same thickness: each cover is .25 inch wide, and the pages are 1 inch wide (making each book 1.5 inches thick).  What is the distance, in inches, from the first page of the first book to the last page of the last book.


Then there are more riddle like problems:
Q: A farmer has a herd of horses, some are black and some are white.  He realizes that the white ones weigh more than the black ones.  Why is this?  (Think about it before looking at the answer.)
A: There are more white horses than black horses.


Q: I have two coins that add up to 30 cents.  One of them is not a nickel.  What are they?
A: As I'm sure you all know, one is a quarter and the other is a nickel.

Yeah, if you were asked questions like these while growing up, you would learn to think before answering, too.

There are also some fun little games that some of the older generation will play with (on?) the younger generation. They usually begin with strict instructions to do exactly as they are told.

"Put your fingers up!" the older person will exclaim, demonstrating by putting their thumbs up.
The younger person, confused by conflicting example and directions will often also put his thumbs up.
"Put your thumbs up!" the older person will exclaim, this time proudly waving their eight fingers in the air.
The younger person, figuring he must switch also, will put his fingers in the air.
At this point the older person will point out that the eight phalanges waving about are not, in fact, his thumbs.
Feeling slightly flustered and perhaps a little embarrassed, the child will progress on to some other activity, vowing to be more careful next time.

Once said young person becomes adjusted to following directions rather than aping the elder's actions a twist will be added.

"Put your hand up!" the elder will say, suiting his actions to his words.
The child puts his hand up.
"Wave it about!" the elder says, again, waving his own.
Child again follows correctly.
"Make it into a fist!"  Again, the elder follows his own directions.
The child begins to think that there may not be a trick this time, and also forms a fist.
"Put it on your chin!" the elder says, firmly placing his own fist on his forehead.
Too late, the child will realize that the trap has just been sprung.


Another less tricky game consists of the elder pointing to some body part, say his eye, and saying, "This is my knee!"  The child has to then find his knee, point to it, and say, "This is my eye!"  Repeat with new body parts.

The game of Nim also often puts in an appearance, though usually once they've grown too old to be tricked by the previous games.  (If you want to play, a sample game is here.)

Then there are the jokes and stories.

For example, my granddad was apparently fond of coming in after a long day of work and saying,
"I'm just like a bicycle.  Two tired!"


And you thought I had bad puns. :)

Or:
It was a cold, cold night in Siberia and three men were sitting around a fire.  They were telling each other stories, and this is the story the first man told: "It was a cold, cold night in Siberia...."


(For me, sometimes this one took the form of, "Once there was a little girl who wanted her father to tell her a story.  This is the story he told: 'Once there was a little girl....'")

Or the ever-popular North Dakotan Jokes.  Like this one.
Two North Dakotans were working, digging a ditch in the hot summer sun, while the foreman sat in the shade and drank lemonade.  They began talking this situation over and found that they weren't all that happy with it.  They decided that they need to talk to the foreman about this unequal division of labor, so one of the North Dakotans went to talk to him.
"Why do we have to work in the dirt and sun while you get to sit up in the shade with cool drinks?" asked the North Dakotan.
"Well, it's just because I"m so much smarter than both of you,"  responded the foreman.
The North Dakotan was outraged.  "Smarter than us?  That's not possible.  Prove it."
"Alright," agrees the foreman.  He puts his hand in front of a fence post with several strands of barbed wire wrapped around it.  "Hit my hand," he commands.
The North Dakotan, determined to prove himself, reared back and hurtled his fist as hard as he can at the foreman's hand.  The foreman, of course, pulled his hand out of the way, leaving the North Dakotan to slam his  fist into the wire covered post.
The foreman smiled and said, "THAT is how I'm smarter."
Sore and bleeding a little, the North Dakotan went back to his friend.  "What happened?  What did he say?" the friend inquired.
"Well, it was like this," said the first North Dakotan, placing his hand in front of his face.  "Hit my hand."

Or there's the story about the rancher in eastern Montana.
The fact was, the border between North Dakota and Montana was disputed and the rancher wasn't quite sure what side of the border he was on.  Eventually, surveyors came and offered their final judgement on where the border lay.  After making their decision, the rancher is informed:  his ranch is in Montana!  On hearing that, the rancher smiled and sighed, "Well, that's a relief!  No more of those North Dakotan winters!"

So there you have it.  I taste of my 'torture' while growing up.  And if I have anything to say about it, my younger cousins will have a similar experience - after all, I need a few people in this world as strange as me. :)